i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
