Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
