Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
