PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
