well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
