no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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