at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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