Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
