Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
