I skipped work to stalk him.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
