Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize