see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
