Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
