Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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