I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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