You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
