I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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