Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I smell stomach acid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
