I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
