just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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