One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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