you guys were way drunker than both of me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
