I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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