Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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