Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We need to feng shui this bitch.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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