It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
