It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
