Will you blow on my dice?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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