Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
