You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
