when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
