Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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