i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
