i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
