dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
