Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
