sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
