all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
