You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
