Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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