I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
