bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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