Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
