Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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