the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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