3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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