One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
