I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just tell him i said nine months
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
