i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
