my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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