I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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