I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
